How to no longer be afraid of needles

My finger hovered over the button. My hand was shaking. In one hand, I pinched a chunk of fat off my thigh; in the other, I held the plunger. Deep breath after deep breath, I counted down the seconds as I tried to steel my nerves.

Sometime prior to this, my doctors and parents began to get concerned because I wasn’t growing. I was fourteen years old, but I was 4”10 and I hadn’t really grown for years. Several tests later and here I sat, artificial growth hormones being covered by insurance. Which was all fine and dandy, except for the fact that I was trying to figure out how I’d inject myself every night for years when I couldn’t even get through this one time.

My sister, sitting next to me and showing me how to do it, casually explained the steps and injected herself. I watched, startled by how relaxed she seemed. She was injecting herself!

Well, if she could do it, so could I. I forced myself to calm down and, hand still shaking, sank the needle into my skin.

My first thought was surprise, because it didn’t hurt. The needle was extremely thin and small, and I was inserting it into my fat, not a vein — so there was no reason for it to hurt. But I’d been so used to needles hurting that just looking at one gave me a dose of fear (pun intended).