Answers

The first thing I said after I heard that my cousin was dead was “no.” The word spilled out of my mouth, over and over again, as I crumpled to my knees.

In the car on the ride home, the new word was “why,” repeated endlessly through my sobs.

Why did he have to die?

Why would anyone want to kill him?

Why did he have to die instantaneously? Why couldn’t he hold on, why couldn’t he fight?

Why did he have to be in exactly the wrong place at exactly the wrong time?

Why did the bullet have to hit him exactly the way it did?

Why, why, why?

Each question gone unanswered.

Because sometimes there are none.

Life isn’t black and white, but gray.

And sometimes, amidst these endless miles of gray that extend in every direction, there really are no answers.